Category Archives: Seriously?

We Must Provide Jobs for all Americans

Posted on by
Reply

MEMO

TO:  My Fellow Congressmen

FROM:  N. Pelosi

SUBJECT:  Jobs for Americans

It has come to my attention that millions of our citizens are out of work. Apparently they’ve also spent all the unemployment checks we kept sending.

This is unacceptable in a country such as ours, with a $14 Trillion dollar annual economy.

How can this happen?

Seriously, how can this happen?

Do you have any idea how big $14 Trillion really is?

If you laid each of those dollars end to end, the line they make would stretch all the way from those with jobs to the U.S. Treasury.  At that point, they would enter what can only be described as a taxpayer funded black hole.  No one would ever see any of that money, ever again.  So even though $14 Trillion sounds like a big number, and by all accounts, is a really big number, it makes no difference.  The money just disappears.

What’s the solution?

We need more jobs.

I ask you, what good is raising tax revenue, tax rates, and closing tax-related loopholes if there is no one actually earning a living from a job?  Any job.

Even those with a government job have to pay taxes, don’t they?

Sure, it seems like a paradox that though every government job is funded by taxpayers, if we tax those in the private sector more, we can create more government jobs so those jobs can pay taxes, which we can use to create even more government jobs, etc.

You get the picture.

Its like a fusion reactor for jobs and taxes.  Once it gets started it never ends, feeds on itself, and never runs out of fuel or food or something like that.

Anyway, today I’m asking for your help.  This is a true bipartisan opportunity.

I ask only this one question.

Does anyone here in Congress know how to create a friggin job in the private sector?

Thanks.  NP.

PS. (Jobs in China don’t count)

PPS.  Don’t forget your secret Santa gifts.  It’s only a month away.  Shorter if we figure it in congressional days. Remember-it’s against the law to use taxpayer money to buy these gifts.  So use cash.

 

 

How Does Bank of America Define “Relationship?”

Posted on by
Reply

BoA offers a “relationship” pin number so you can avoid answering a gazillion questions when you call in.  Sounds good to me.  I hear about this during a call I made to a customer service representative (supervisor) in connection with a $29.95 monthly maintenance fee I just incurred. They require a $3000.00 minimum in business checking accounts to avoid this fee.  I say, speaking of relationships I keep about $500,000.00 with your bank between, business, investment, and personal so why doesn’t that count toward the $3000.00 minimum? “Because there is no way to link the business to the other accounts,” I’m told.   I then ask, how do you guys define “relationship?”  The
answer, “Our system can’t do that a present.  So then I ask about signing up for the relationship pin which I suggested should be called the “hassle avoidance” pin instead.  “Unfortunately that can be done only on a different inbound call” (which means I have to answer all the questions that I’m trying to avoid by signing up for the relationship PIN!).  So it’s as if none of this 24 minute conversation ever took place?  “I’m afraid so.”

Does that sound like a relationship to you?

All this from the bank that says they want my business; strange way of showing it.

We Must Rethink our Vocabulary

Posted on by
Reply

Starting with the words, “grand,” and “bargain.”

 

Under no circumstances should the two words be used together as a noun, as in “we have a once in a life time opportunity to strike a “grand bargain” for the good of the American people.”

 

Why?

 

First, ordinary Americans don’t talk that way (even if there is a sale at WalMart).

Second, the American people already know that nothing grand, or even remotely considered to be a bargain, ever comes out of Congress in particular, and Washington, D,C. generally.

(I don’t know what the next number is since I went to a public school). At best, this terminology will only confuse and further irritate any one that does not work in the media, or that is not actively seeking a short sound bite they can both spell and recall.